Enough.
How do you see me when I’m just dust in the air?
Galaxies in your hand yet you’re with me there,
In the silence, the stillness and darkest of nights.
When all I can see is my steps by your light.
How can you use me with the little I bring?
Insignificant stories of things I have lived.
Yet somehow it’s fishes and loaves
That you’ve multiplied to bring others home.
Like a light shown in darkness
With colors that cast out all my disappointments.
I ask “How can you use my specs in the night?”
I don’t know; but somehow the dust becomes stars in your light.
THE BACKSTORY
I wrote this poem months ago and just had it saved on my computer trying to figure out the perfect explanation of what inspired me to write this. Some in depth description of the thoughts in my mind and how the Lord showed me his goodness and all of a sudden I have a brand spanking new perspective on everything.
Well, the reality is I wrote this in a moment I felt inadequate and frankly not good enough to be where I was.
I was 23 and had just taken up a management position at work and was serving at a youth retreat… to say the least I was tired.
Tired mentally, emotionally, physically and truth be told spiritually. It felt as if I had given everything I had in me and couldn’t give anymore yet we had one more set (about 4 songs for worship) . Backstage I just put my head down and said
“God, you know me. You see me. You have my best interest at heart. You know my anxious thoughts. You know my tiredness. You have placed me here.”
I didn’t even know what it was I needed.
In that moment I looked up at the projection screen that was playing a video to hype the students up before worship. Everything went still. I looked up and focused on the dust and how it glittered in the changing colors of the projection screens. It looked like stars in a galaxy. Instantly I was reminded of the verse in Genesis (2:7 & 3:19) that says we are made from dust and God breathed life into us; God made something so miniscule and small alive. It also says we hold this great power within us that does not come from us but from the Holy Spirit, we are simply jars of clay, broken vessels ( 2 Corinthians 4:7-9). This reminder suddenly relieved the pressure off me.
It’s not me. Not from my strength. Not from my knowledge. Not because I’m this incredible singer or because I’ve read the bible the whole way through. But simply, he who is within me is greater than he who is in the world. He has me in his hands. All I can do is surrender all I am, all I have. Whether it’s a couple of fishes and loaves or what feels like specs of dust; he can use that. In our weakness he is strong; He is glorified.
I don’t know if you’ve been there or are there now. I’ve been there many times and the Lord has been so gracious to remind me time and time again that the pressure is not on me to be the best, because he’s already won. I’m already victorious. He can still use me. When I’m tired he gives me rest. When I’m carrying a heavy burden he relieves me. He’s not asking us to be “good enough” to show his love to us and others through us.
Let him show you the beauty in you. The creator with his creation. You are enough. Not because of how you feel, how you see yourself, what you do, but because he created you. He knows you. He loves you. He is gracious and kind enough to show you, so let him.
I would love to share some verses and songs that really remind me of these truths below. I hope this blesses you as it has me. Thank you for reading!
Genesis 2:7
7 Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
2 Corinthians 4:7
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
2 Corinthians 12
Paul’s Vision and His Thorn
12 I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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